THE FINAL MESSAGE
I lost my father without saying goodbye...
It was a painful moment when I heard over the phone the news about my father. As if I was paralyzed from my post. Unable to say anything with an empty mind. I am miles away from my papa with he left me. I want to fly and see him immediately, my mind was telling me to go home and papa was just sleeping and I can still save him.
As if my whole body was numb. It took me hours to realize that I was not dreaming at all. It was one of the painful event of my life. Nothing can describe the pain, it was the pain of all pains...
That was actually 6 years ago but his memories still remains fresh. He was the light of my life. He makes me understand why I should live a life away from them. I was afar from them since I was 5 years old until I finished college. And our time and chance to bond with each other was just very short. I was really longing until now hoping my papa to be alive.
I missed the chance of telling him how much I value the small chance that we've been together. That was the time when I realize that our time is important.
It was a painful moment when I heard over the phone the news about my father. As if I was paralyzed from my post. Unable to say anything with an empty mind. I am miles away from my papa with he left me. I want to fly and see him immediately, my mind was telling me to go home and papa was just sleeping and I can still save him.
As if my whole body was numb. It took me hours to realize that I was not dreaming at all. It was one of the painful event of my life. Nothing can describe the pain, it was the pain of all pains...
That was actually 6 years ago but his memories still remains fresh. He was the light of my life. He makes me understand why I should live a life away from them. I was afar from them since I was 5 years old until I finished college. And our time and chance to bond with each other was just very short. I was really longing until now hoping my papa to be alive.
I missed the chance of telling him how much I value the small chance that we've been together. That was the time when I realize that our time is important.
If only I could recall the time, I would probably revised our happenings with my papa. I would extend the chance that God gave us before. I would deepen the bonding that we have started and give-off myself for all the luxury of our time.
But then all of these was just my dream. I can never have the chance again.
Somehow I tried to understand why God gave me this pain. I just lift up everything to Him because I know all of these have a purpose. I just can't resist to think...what if I was beside papa when he died? What could be the last words he'll say?
I was still living with His presence until now. The pain was still there in the deepest part of my heart. The tears was still fresh in my eyes. Until now there is still the tears of longing and regrets as well...Regrets that I was not there on his last breath.
But I know his happy now.
I know his at peace.
I just hoped that if I go to where he is now, He can still recognized me. I love you papa and I miss you....
posted by Janeth @ 1:15 AM
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